One-Liners
Monday, July 22nd, 2013
By: Steve Goldman, CCIM
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
It’s not the pace of life that concerns me, it’s the sudden stop at the end.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
My wife went to a self-help group for compulsive talkers. Its called On & On Anon.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
If you’re going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people are just out of film.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I went to buy some camouflage clothing, but I couldn’t find it.
A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
I always wanted to be somebody, but I guess I should have been more specific.
If you are what you eat, I’m dead meat.
Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
Lead me not into temptation–I can find the way myself.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
The difference between capitalism and communism is that under communism, man exploits man, whereas under capitalism it’s the other way around.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.
Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.
Why is it called tourist season if you can’t shoot them?
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